love, music, Uncategorized, zen shit

London is a bad habit one hates to lose.

>> A View from Beth’s flat.

It was my fourth time there in six years. And I could as well have stayed in New York, or gone to Chicago to do what Beth and I did. We skipped the tourist scene (more or less) and focused on our favorite shared activities: talking, eating, drinking, and theatergoing.

Saw Tom Stoppard’s Rock ‘N Roll and The Queen. Recommend both, BTW. Also visited the National Portrait Gallery, sadly a bit early for the David Hockney exhibit, but still fairly delightful. We made a slight go at shopping but I was lame, as usual. (Sorry to disappoint there, B. You can lead Col to the shopping district, but you can’t force her to buy.)

It was my first time meeting Charlie, Beth and Peter’s gorgeous, smart, and sweet 6 month old son. Surreal, I say, to meet this child. Whose concept I have heard about and mulled and shared in the dream of for years. Beth always always talked about her future children, ever since we met at age 18. She even, on occasion, bought them clothes. And now, 13 years later, the dream is a reality. A real, live autonomous (in-training) brand new human being … incredible!

So, as for the personal revelations I promised to divulge. I continue to feel a deep sense of peace. I can sleep better. I can even take naps. I am less uptight. Less striving and driving. Less lack, more abundance. All this Oprah malarkey is probably getting tiresome to hear about, dear readers. You’re thinking: enough of the Stuart Smalley, Tony Robbins, Gail Sheehy crap. We know! I know too. But I can’t help it. And I suppose if the sense of calm were really, really deep it would be so apparent that I wouldn’t need to seek affirmation on it by putting it out here in the blogosphere. Hmmm – something to ponder.

And in the meantime … I find myself doing things I want in the moment without thinking too hard about the potential downside. Like picking up the phone to call honchos with my questions, or telling a loved one my true feelings, or offering an apology when I know I’ve just said something shitty to a friend, or attempting to flirt with a man I’m not sure wants to flirt with me at all. May sound like nothing to the free spirits of the world, but for a moderately risk averse person like myself, this is an awesome development. Vulnerability … putting myself out there … risking rejection … admitting that i desire acceptance … being human … what a concept!

Not that London has anything to do with this. But somehow it helped me see it better. Or maybe it was just being with Beth that allowed it. The further I go in this world (which isn’t very far yet) the more I understand that relationships are what sustain me. I would not have been able to make the many changes I’ve made over the past few years without a few beacons to guide me through it. People who accept and love me, no strings attached. Who wait it out when I’m acting like a dick, who call me out on my BS because they know I am better than that. Who see and remember and expect the best of me. True friends are so rare, so precious.

As for the dreams … I had them practically every night. Can’t remember all of them but one in particular stands out. I looked out the window and saw an alligator eating a cat while being eaten by a massive tiger. It was quite a spectacle. And hanging from the trees were dead, strung up pumas. The cat, not the shoes. There was a man sitting amid all of this mayhem reading the newspaper. I shouted out to him to be careful and he said, “It’s just a beam, it’s not real.” And then I realized that what I was seeing was an image projected in front of me by a laser. It wasn’t real. Beth and I had been talking the night before about futuristic things and the 3-D collage I want to build. We also talked about my Steve Irwin Halloween costume and our favorite animal attacks … so I can kind of see where it came from. But still. I looked for some more in-depth explantions from the Dream Dictionary, and below is what I found. To sleep, perchance to dream really weird shit …


To see animals in your dream, represents your own physical characteristic, primitive desires, and sexual nature, depending on the qualities of the particular animal. Animals symbolizes the untamed and uncivilized aspects of yourself. Thus, to dream that you are fighting with an animal signifies a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back into your subconscious. Refer to the specific animal in your dream.

To dream that animals can talk, represents superior knowledge. Its message is often some form of wisdom. Alternatively, a talking animal denotes your potential to be all that you can be.

To dream that you are saving the life of an animal, suggests that you are successfully acknowledging certain emotions and characteristics represented by the animal. The dream may also stem from feelings of inadequacy or being overwhelmed.

To see lab animals in your dream, suggests that an aspect of yourself is being repressed. You feel that you are not able to fully express your desires and emotions. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to experiment with your fears, choices, and beliefs. Try not to limit yourself.


To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction.

To dream that you are attacked by a tiger, symbolizes repressed feelings or emotions that frighten you.

To see a caged tiger in your dream, suggests that your repressed feelings/emotions are on the verge of surfacing.


To see an alligator in your dream, symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take a new perspective on a situation. It may also represent your ability to move between the material world of waking life and the emotional, repressed world of the unconscious. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities.

To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotion that you are refusing to acknowledge and owning up to.

According to biblical interpretations, an alligator suggests that leviathan is king over the children of pride. (Psa 74:14, Job 41:1,Isa 27:1)


To see a cat in your dream, signifies much misfortune, treachery, and bad luck. However, for the cat lover, cats signifies an independent spirit, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power. If the cat is aggressive, then it suggests that you are having problems with the feminine aspect of yourself. If you see a cat with no tail, then it signifies a lost of independence and lack of autonomy.

To dream that a cat is biting you, symbolizes the devouring female. Perhaps you are taking and taking without giving. You may be expressing some fear or frustration especially when something is not going as planned.

To see a black cat in your dream, indicates that you are experiencing some fear in using your psychic abilities and believing in your intuition. You may erroneously associate the black cat with evil, destruction, and bad luck. If you see a white cat, then it denotes
difficult times.

To dream that a cat killed a spider, suggests that you are expressing your femininity in a seductive and cunning manner rather than in an overtly and almost destructive way.


To see a laser in your dream, symbolizes clarity and truth. You are seeing and understanding things much more clearly. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to focus your attention and concentrate on one task at a time.

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  • […] his intelligence appears to less understated, more intellectually pronounced. beth and i saw him in rock and roll in london a couple of years ago. and he was kickass in the illusionist and john adams. seems like a […]

  • Lost


    Damn typos! I mean to say, “I’m so happy to hear you had a great TRIP”….not post.


  • Lost

    What an awesome post!

    I’m so happy to hear that you had a great post! One of the best things about going back to visit a place you’ve been to many times before is that it creates a comfort and less stress to “do” things (like the touristy stuff) and just “be”.

    You fascinate me with you apathy of shoppping. To me? It’s always shopping time! Hmm…maybe I have a problem. 😉

    As for your constant revelations about who you are, I’ve said it before, so I’ll short-hand it now….you are a 180’d happy person and you deserve it.

    You have vivid dreams, girl. I never have such detailed symbolistic dreams! Not to mention meaningful. I’m totally intrigued by the analysis of the dream figures, as well as, believe that they are totally relevant to you.

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