in the hallway
Being Zen Col means reading a lot of self help literature. A LOT. Highly Effective? You bet your ass. From Effectiveness to Greatness? Check. Full Engagement? Got it. Codependent anymore? Hells no! Have I found flow? Hells yes! I can also talk four agreements, seven laws and reposition all the goddamned cheese anyone could possibly want to move, and do it patiently, right now.
But that doesn’t make the waiting periods easy. A common motif in the recovery process is being “in the hallway.” It’s a time of transition. The basic concept: when one door closes, another door opens. But most often, there’s a waiting period. And waiting can blow. Having been through this enough times, by now I trust the process and know that good things eventually come out of the lulls.
And I’m in one now. We’re halfway through 2007 and I’m feeling listless. For the past three months I was totally focused on getting through the month of May. Between earnings, the Upfront, a board meeting, a shareholder meeting and a several important announcements, I had my hands full at work. And outside the office I was focused on a parental cancer scare and a new relationship. On top of that there were several social events: Easter and Mother’s Day, bridal and baby showers, and a 10-year college reunion.
Well here we are in June and it’s all pretty much done. Most important of all, my Dad is okay. For that I feel very lucky. It’s also lent really important perspective to help me cope with stupid bullshit at work. Much to my surprise, the new relationship evaporated. It was a pretty big disappointment, but I’m dealing. And all those other events, most of them anyway, have come to pass. Now there are only two big things left on the docket: my cousin’s wedding June 16 and the imminent arrival of my brother and sister-in-law’s new baby. These are two very exciting things. But they are events in other people’s lives, not really my own.
So here I am trying to figure out what the hell to do with myself this summer. Traveling is more or less out because I am running tight on the cash flow. Leaving finance was good for the heart but hard on the wallet. I’m determined to change that, but for now I’m limiting the number of big trips on my agenda. I can still do long weekends to the beach, DC, etc. where I can kick it with friends without blowing my entire wad, but there will be no Mediterranean cruises or fun European jaunts in my immediate future.
Here in New York, my apartment and job situations are pretty damned good. I’ll continue to ride out those feelings of comfort and satisfaction until I no longer can. But what, then, should I obsess over?
In years past when I’ve met with the summer doldrums, I’ve taken up marathoning. But my knee is dicey … I think it’s better to wait a year in between races. So what should I do? Chances are I’ll get really serious in the gym again … get back into sick shape. That fills the hours but doesn’t really engage the mind. And you know the old adage: An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Hmmm… think I feel some horns sprouting up.