in an eleanor rigby kind of mood …
i spent the weekend in chicago with beth, peter and their son charlie. beth knows me in ways that i don’t think anyone else does. she knows what i’m thinking. she knows what i like, and what i hate. she knows when i’m lying to myself, and her. she has fun the way i have fun. i can explain something terribly, and she gets it. she makes me laugh really really hard. we like a lot of the same stuff. we don’t agree on everything, and that’s fine with us both, because we both like a feisty dame. i love her family – her husband, her son. now i love her gorgeous new house in river forest too. it was so cool to be there, and to get to hold and play and snuggle with charlie. he is one and a half and utterly hilarious, not to mention unbelievably cute. splashing around in the tub, driving his little plastic car in the driveway, demanding to turn on every single light in sight, always.
yesterday beth and i got massages and shopped around for furniture for the house. we were in one store, don’t remember the name, and i noticed the shoppers were all young couples. about half the women were pregnant. i was wondering if i’ll ever be in that domesticated type of situation ─ coupled, pregnant and furniture shopping. and whether i’d even like that sort of life. i’ve never cared much about domestic stuff like cooking or decorating. i mean, i can do it, and i appreciate the good stuff when i see it, but it’s never been something i thought a lot about or put a lot of my own personal energy into. i wonder if that is par for the course in being a part of a couple. i don’t think it’s bad or anything, i just wonder if it’s inevitable that i’ll eventually develop an interest in it.
wandering around i noticed how much the store made use of cross-marketing books based on consumer demos. you know, how they do in urban outfitters or starbucks – they sell books that they think would appeal to customer lifestyles. i spent some time perusing the children’s book section and came across the most awesome little book ever, called i like you by sandol stoddard. it describes friendship … true lasting friendship. made me think of the dude i hope to marry one day. i’ve got to have all those things with him, just like i have them with my dearest, closest friends.
there was an incredibly cute guy seated next to me on the plane. when i saw him in the gate, i prayed: “please, please let me be seated next to him.” and amazingly, i was. he had awesome style, and a fun, smart, gentle yet masculine vibe. so what do you think i did? did i talk to him? i had 1.5 hours to say “hi, what’s up, do you live in new york?” that simple. but no, i didn’t say anything!!! oh dear lord, why i am i such a goddamned coward? why?!!! at first we both took out our ipods. i didn’t put mine on, figuring i’d leave the door open for convo. but after a while he relented and put his on. i kept looking in his direction, and tried to send him mental vibes when both our eyes were closed. figured the snacks/beverages moment would be our moment. but it wasn’t. am pretty sure he wanted to chat too. but he was as wimpy as me.
back at home, i was thrilled to find that broken english had arrived. k told me about it, and i’ve been dying to see. i stayed up really late watching it, and sobbing. and not at the end – i was crying very early on. because it showed so many of the things i feel, and have felt. when nora, parker posey’s character, was freaking out and having an anxiety attack over the fact that a man actually loved her. he didn’t want anything from her, he just loved her. man, that killed me. finally, someone gets it. makes me want to go out and find me a good passionate frenchman. it’s definitely one to move to the top of the ‘ol netflix queue.