(To the tune of Paperback Writer by The Beatles)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you buy my stock?
It’s up a cent today, will you buy Class A?
Based on past performance it should do just great.
And I need a job, so I want to be an earnings speech writer,
Earnings speech writer.
It’s the Q3 story of told by our top man
In confusing jargon no one understands.
We’re leveraging our assets and we’re poised for growth,
It’s a steady job ‘cause no one wants to be an earnings speech writer,
Earnings speech writer.
Earnings speech writer.
It’s thirty-five pages, give or take a few,
I re-wrote it at eleven and again at two.
I’ll move around the sections and will jazz it up,
Can’t make bad numbers good, but I can add some fluff
Earnings speech writer.
If you really like it, you can buy our stock,
If I got a raise, that would really rock.
And if you must sell it, I won’t be surprised
I would do the same, but I work for these guys
Earnings speech writer.
Earnings speech writer.
Earnings speech writer – Earnings speech writer.
Earnings speech writer- Earnings speech writer.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
this? is brilliant.
last night i had a dream about you & this song. i was in an office, looking for your desk because you had requested a large 3 ring binder with “earnings speech writer” printed on the side. i never found YOU, but i did find your space. & the binder turned from green to blue. right. on.
xo.
that is HILARIOUS. so you’re a binder babe too! oh man, we are livin’ in the same wacked out dimension. xoxo