i’ve got a feeling
This day has run the gamut. Smiles and tears. Funny stuff, sad stuff. Lots of memorable stuff. Started my day watching as Falcon, the balloon boy, barfed on the Today Show. Thank you Meredith Viera for suggesting the family take a minute to help the kid and get composed. I only wish I saw the Dad fart on Good Morning America. Later on at the office we all shared our opinions and laughed our asses off.
Also at work, I turned a corner on a story I’ve been working on. An aha moment. Don’t get those every day and when you do it’s satisfying. Nothing else feels as major as that aha. All the drivel and tireless processing pales in comparison.
And beyond the office, I heard stories of tragedy. Things happening to friends. Beginning of life, mid life, later in life: the unexpected can happen at all stages. Sometimes I wish we didn’t have to suffer. But I wonder if we’d know delight without suffering. Life is a gift, and it’s fleeting. All the dumb stuff we obsess over. Silly.
Folks, I’m telling you,
Birthing is hard
And Dying is mean
So get yourself
Some loving in between.
– Langston Hughes
Ended the day up in Monroe. My Mom gave me her diamond earrings — amazing.I tend to lose jewelry, but will guard these babies with vigilance. I also received a necklace from my Dad. Well, sort of. My Mom had found a gift certificate to Tiffany in one of his drawers. He won it as a sales incentive and the expiration date was coming up. I picked out this piece — the shamrock — for him.
We talked about missing him. We talked about parting ways with his shoes, his coats. How weird it is to have a football season without him. It will be two months on Sunday. We miss him miss him miss him. But onward we march.
I am moving to a new apartment. Trading the West Village and all its celebrities and rich people and trust fund kids for a much more modest nabe in the East Village. I will miss the beauty, I will miss the Hudson, I will miss the charm. But it’s time to move on. New places, new people, new routines. New York. Change is good. All the fun stuff I sacrificed and put off, all the freedom and creativity that I denied myself. Now, it’s coming.
It is quite true what Philosophy says: that Life must be understood backwards. But that makes one forget the other saying: that it must be lived–forwards. The more one ponders this, the more it comes to mean that life in the temporal existence never becomes quite intelligible, precisely because at no moment can I find complete quiet to take the backward-looking position. — Søren Kierkegaard