Going to weddings at age 36 as a single woman invited without a plus one can suck if you let it. At this point I have participated in more of other people’s life events than I can count. Engagements, weddings, children. All those things that everybody is supposed to do if they are real grown up adults. I’ve seen it and been there over and over supporting, smiling, giving, blessing. For the people I love, that’s a given. For me, it’s weary-making. There isn’t the same infrastructure in place to support, smile upon and bless those of us who haven’t been lucky enough to find our match yet. At these events, I feel even more vulnerable, flapping in the wind alone.
My friend Linda has a ballsy policy – if she’s invited without date, she doesn’t go. I love that (though I am too much of a good girl to follow that myself). I know weddings are expensive and people have to make tough choices when it comes to the invitation list. Yet it’s insensitive and kind of shitty to invite single persons over 30 to these things without the option to bring a date. There, I said it. I’ve been through the experience enough times to say that it SUCKS. And consequently I now dread going to weddings alone. Yet as a grown ass adult I know there are certain things I can do to make the situation better for myself like:
1) Look amazing. People assume a single successful woman living in Manhattan is living the Carrie Bradshaw life. Play into that fantasy.
2) Enlist textual support. I have a few close girlfriends who I can text when I am in these tough situations. Just knowing someone is listening, can relate, and supports me from afar goes a long way.
3) Order car service. Part of the worry is getting yourself to and from when it involves late nights, alcohol, and high heels. Car service eliminates that concern.
4) Find other fun people. This one isn’t always possible but usually there is a character or two to hang out with. But if that doesn’t work …
5) Drink and/or dance liberally. It you look amazing, and have car service planned, why NOT let loose? Wine and music are two of life’s greatest pleasures … and you don’t need other people to enjoy them!
6) Leave early. You don’t get a badge for staying til the bitter end. As long as you’ve spent time with the bride and groom, it’s fine to bust out. Nobody notices after a certain point.
Last night I ended up having a WAY better time than I anticipated at my dear friends’ wedding. I followed all of my own advice and ended up meeting a really cool fun gal. We blew out of there on the early side and went on to have a fantastic evening out on the town. And now I have a new fun friend to hang with. Take THAT cruel world! Seriously, attitude is everything. I was open to transforming an otherwise dread-inducing night into an adventure … and I got my wish!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s the spirit. If you’re going, do it your way. You had a damn fine plan and you executed it beautifully. Kudos!
Remember the wedding I didn’t want to go to alone so I brought you as my “and guest”? The brownstone wedding on the upper east side where you then told the photog that “we” lived in Park Slope and he then became obsessed with taking pictures of “us”?! I still laugh about it all to this day.
I love that your list still shows that sometimes the best person we can have fun with is really ourselves.
LKB — the song “My Way” reminds me of you, always!
Amy — wow, i had forgotten about that one. we had so many fun adventures. and yes, that was a silly gag. i don’t know what possessed me but i vaguely recall the photog giving me his card and wanting to hang out with “us” socially. LOL!
Hi Col – I have the same policy as your friend, Linda. I think it’s so rude to invite someone to a wedding without a guest. If it’s a very close friend or family member, or if there are a lot of other single people at the wedding who I know well then I make an exception. I love your plan – sounds like it went incredibly well and glad to hear you had fun!