over the hill
It’s been about a month now and I’ve gotta say, I like being 40. Not that it’s so different from 39 or the preceding years, but the perception shift is enjoyable. I was raised to be one of those “nice girls,” but with each year that passes I care less about whether people like me. Am I sloppy, careless, bitchy? Dunno, maybe a little depending on the day and the context. But overall I’m good with myself and if you don’t like it, bite me.
Also liberating is not caring what I look like as much as I once did. If I manage to get make up on, I’m pleased. But if not, oh well. Society is so dumb for valuing women based on their appearance. If only I could have back all the energy, time and dollars wasted on vain attempts to fix things about myself that weren’t wrong to begin with.
Now that I’m no longer a spring chicken, I don’t even have to pretend to live up to the beauty ideal. And when I do get dolled up, it’s for myself because I deserve to feel good (and my husband … he deserves it too).
Also, it’s not the end of the world if I’m carrying around a few extra pounds. Hubbs and kids couldn’t love me more than they already do, and I like how I look in clothes. There are much more important things to worry about right now than my waistline. So that’s that.
Worry: it still lords over me like a sword of Damocles but, less so than it once did. Years of experience have shown me that worry is a waste of time. 99% of the time the worst case scenario does not materialize. And when it does I have the fortitude and support to deal with whatever comes.
I have friends who complain about being old which is absurd. 40 is young. I’m planning to be around for at least another 40. The way I see it everything up to now has just been training for what’s to come. Maybe I’m foolishly optimistic. Maybe I’ll just be going sideways for the remainder of my days on Earth … catering to my kids and having no personal growth and nothing of my own to look forward to. But I don’t think so.
There is always something new to learn. A new challenge. No matter the age. What I like about this time is that I realize that … and I still have a relatively young and functional body … no aches or pains or conditions to deal with. I am so very grateful for my health and the health of my family. I know what I want and how to pursue it. So yeah, this is 40 and I dig it.