col’s blog

loverage (v.) love·rage (ləv-rij) ─ The action of using a lover to advance one’s own ends or improve one’s situation.

“Fugitive hedge fund manager Samuel Israel III loveraged his girlfriend to fake his suicide and escape federal authorities.”

blob (v.) • blahb ─ to inadvertently “out” someone for having a blog or to expose a blogger’s identity to an audience to whom he or she preferred to be transparent.

“Gahhhh! She blobbed me to my co-workers. Now everyone at the office is gonna know about my dating travails.”

e-tattler *(n.) • eee • tat • uh • ler ─ one who tattles over email, often by cc:’ing another person’s boss or superior.

“Watch out — that guy’s an e-tattler. Make an innocuous mistake and he’ll immediately forward it to your boss.”

tomcruisefoolery *(n.) •tahm • cruz / foo • ler • ry ─ bizarre or senseless behavior perpetrated by Tom Cruise.

The Cruise Indoctrination Video Scientology Tried To Suppress — Gawker.com

Facebook remorse. face∙book re·morse (n.): The emotion felt upon inadvertently mailing an invitation or missive to hundreds of people stored in your email address book through the automated “Find Friends” feature in the Facebook interface (including exes, eh’s, family members and professional contacts that you did not want to go there with). Gahhhh!!

social networking climber*(n.) so•shul / net • wur • king / clime • bur ─ One who lobbies friends and acquaintances to connect on Facebook and other social networking sites so as to reflect well on one’s own profile and popularity.

“She hasn’t responded to my emails in 6 months, but now she wants to be my facebook friend? She’s totes a social networking climber!”

* In extreme cases that involve Facebook, the perpetrator may be referred to as a Facehooker.

For the record, I am a bit of a social networking climber. And I personally believe that when you get above 50 - 60 friends on Facebook, you may be approaching Facehooker status. I mean, who can really have that many friends? There’s a Shakespeare quote — “Listen to many, speak to a few.” To extend that to the digital age … “Email with many, link to a few.”

payFoul (n.) pay•fowl ─ The act of taking an inordinate amount of time to clear the space in front of the cash register after completing a transaction.

“Payfoul! We don’t have all day to wait here while you tuck your cash neatly back into your wallet, you douche!”

commuserate (v.) cuh • muze • uh • rate ─ To commiserate about commuting.

“Ah man, the LIRR was 45 minutes late today.” “Tell me about it, Route 17 was a nightmare!”

and for a REAL commuting nightmare …

invalidater (n.) in•val•i•day•ter ─ a person who so completely destroys one’s optimism for dating that all prospects after her or him seem hopeless.

“After that train wreck of a relationship, I’m considering celibacy. He was was a total invalidater.”

(THANKS TO SPILL FOR THIS BRILL LEXICOL!)

non sequitry (n.) non sek•qui•tree ─ an illness characterized by the compulsion to make someone else look stupid accompanied by the repeated failure to do so and escalating acts of self-denigration. This disease may be acute (immediate and usually of a short duration) or chronic (a persistent and lasting disease, or one that has developed slowly). While evident in all public forums, non sequitry is particularly vibrant in the blogspace.

MARK KLEIN, M.D., the infamous commenter on the NYTimes.com blogs, has a chronic case of non sequitry.

Starbuttal (n.) Star•but•tal ─ The act of rebutting a Starbucks order that did not use the proper sizing terminology.

“GRANDE coffee?” the surly Barista Starbutted when I asked for a medium coffee.

zenbot (n.): zen • ‘bät ─ a person who responds to all stimuli with an eerie level of peaceful detachment.

“Don’t give me those zenbot platitudes. Can’t you get pissed for once?!”

Think Maria, the Crazy Little Latina …