this book‘s moment was like 2 years ago. the premise being if a
dude likes you he’ll ask you out. there is no plotting, no scheming, no
pursuing needed on the girl’s part. if a man wants you he’ll go for it. i
remember there being a mild uproar of sorts over the book. was it arrogant? old fashioned? misogynist? i tend not to pay attention to these things until the debate is over and the rebuttal book has been out for a while . i tend to think about it when it applies to my life or the lives of people i love. in any case, i thought of it recently, and i submit that i completely agree with it. how many times, in how many ways have i been that girl? it’s nuts. in my professional life i accept nothing but top shelf treatment. deny me my desires and i’m rollin.’ so why have i been settling for crumbs from guys? sadly, i thought that was all i could expect to get. but no mas.
erin and i were complaining about guys who appear to be interested, but who never actually follow through to ask us out. for years we made allowances for them. we even accepted the myth that we are “intimidating.” we extended ourselves over and over despite knowing, deep down, that the kind of man we want would not sit by passively requiring us to make all the moves. we want men, not boys. and men who are crazy about us, not guys who could just as easily wait for the next chick passing through. as beth so aptly put it: “we all have hard things we have to do in life. for women it’s giving birth, for men it’s asking women out. (to men) yes, we know it’s hard. but suck it up and do your job!”
1. Train delays and shut downs, and not a single taxi. Arrived at the office 45 minutes later than planned.
2. Maintained my good cheer.
3. Worked on a board report with endless edits and new pieces of information, none of which I have mastery over yet.
4. Made a conscious effort to maintain my good cheer.
5. Realized it was 7 pm and if I had any life whatsoever I wouldn’t still be there toiling away. Shut down shop.
6. Walked to the subway seeing couples holding hands, dining out, and dudes buying flowers for their dudettes.
7. Started to feel bad for myself. Then mad at myself for working my life away.
8. Missed the first train because the woman in front of me in line at the Metro Card machine refused to take NO for an answer from the machine.
9. Finally arrived at 14 St. and there was a yellowish gas everywhere. All I could think was: NERVE GAS!
10. High tailed it outta there. When I got to the street level one of the street holes exploded, causing a traffic melee.
11. It was so late my dry cleaners had closed, leaving me with paltry few fashion alternatives for tomorrow.
12. I went instead to D’Agostino where the only other people there were other loner types with no dates.
13. My door man ceremoniously wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day, making me feel like an even bigger loser.
14. I reflected, once again, on the fact that I have lived here for 3 weeks and:
15. I came upstairs, fed the cat, put down my things and went to put the trash out that I had left there this morning.
16. Returned from garbage chute and realized I had locked myself out of my apartment.
17. Went to super’s apartment to get the key. Apologized to the ostensibly irritated wife of super.
18. Dispensed with any pretense of good cheer and typed this blog post whilst watching Dr. Phil Love Special.
19. In conclusion, I need an assistant and a boyfriend.
on a pre-pre-valentines day in the dead of winter … it feels indulgent to play this old and familiar song and look out the snowy window whilst hugging my cat and see what appears to be everyone else in the world frolicking together.
then my moment of moroseness is interuppted by my iTunes, which has shuffled to Get Crunk by Lil’ Jon and the East Side Boyz.
YEAH! GET CRUNK GET CRUNK GET CRUNK!
“Go for the Big Life — the Great Career, the Perfect Guy, and Everything Else You’ve Ever Wanted (Even If You’re Afraid You Don’t Have What It Takes) by Bonnie Fuller.
i don’t feel compelled to read the book, but i do delight in the idea of it. just this weekend i was at a wedding shower and a friend of my mother’s pulled me aside and told me i was wonderful and my mother is so proud of me, yadda yadda yadda. then she paused and sternly warned me: “but don’t forget to smell the roses.”
it was not the first time i had heard that one. older generations tend to think i am not enjoying my life because i am so focused on my career. they are wrong. i get a great deal of fulfillment and opportunity for self actualization from my career. and i have wonderful relationships. i have a full life with friends and family and diverse delights. i feel blessed that i had the wherewithal to stay independent and work on sorting out my identity before i got married and had kids and tried impose my unrealized dreams, hopes and fantasies onto others. there’s plenty of time to fall in love and, if i am lucky, have a family. i believe you have to let life unfold as it will, because it will. there’s no sacred script for how and when things should be done. we all have to find our own way.
besides, that whole desparate housewives scene just so isn’t me.
“That said, I am with somebody who really, really likes the fact that I have a sense of humour. It depends on the bloke and if he wants an equal, and the sexiness of banter, which is essentially a form of foreplay. I might have toned down my humour with men I fancied when I was younger, but not now.”
amen sister. i am there on not toning it down, whether or not it means lifelong singledom (which i don’t think it does).
a song by weezer, ‘freak me out’ describes the way i think many dudes have related to me and some of my friends.
i am so tired of silly scared boys. enough. where are the real men?
all things are cyclical. the good times, the bad. and the people. maybe not the specific people, but the kinds of people, at least. and interest levels. the ebb and flow. very much like my mtv consumption. sometimes mtv seems fun and fabulous, other times it’s a fascinating study of contemporary culture. and other times still — it’s utter, complete rubbish. now i know it’s me that changes, not mtv. cycles, seasons, to everything, turn turn turn.
i love business, and i’m good at it. yet there’s a very strong other side of me, where an artist resides. it’s the side of me that focuses on universal truths — the world beyond the next planning period. the particulars, the details, the specifics that we all seem to get mired in like a fly in shit is just … shit.
this desire to make contact with higher truths is what made me stop feeling anything very passionate with relation to politics, religion, etc. in recent years. i view those institutions and issues as a huge waste of my personal energy. call it what you wish, zen, peace, complacency, or just straight exhaustion. i don’t know what it is, but those things seem so trite, so ephemeral. which is not to say i don’t follow current events anymore. i do, but in a much more detached and accepting way. and the beat goes on, you know?
like picassso, i believe that “art is a lie that makes us realize truth.” art is the closest to truth that humans can get. the science crowd adds a lot. the science crowd takes the mystery out of a lot of things. but they will never take all the mystery out.