Category : zen shit

Uncategorized, zen shit
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week in review

the fact that i haven’t been blogging is a sign of my improving physical and emotional health. it means i am talking to people. it means i am more engaged at work. it means i am working out more. it means i am sleeping. it means i am on meds. well, that’s what it means this week anyway. we’ll see how long it lasts.

so the trainer tonight. busted my ass. beat me up. but he was in a better mood, he did it with a smile so it felt better than last week, when he did it with a bit of a smirk. then he got into this whole thing again about how i’ve got the running down, the endurance, the weight training and if i’d only get my diet in line i’d be in sick shape in no time. this i know. i know i know. been there, done that and i think i may be heading that way again. still not on my way in earnest yet, though. still dragging a little. once i start to see some results i tend to get it together more. it would be cool to be thin again by summer. the world is so much kinder when you are skinny. doors are opened for you, literally and figuratively.

and, of course, the blondeness helps. at 8 am this morning, i was crossing 6th avenue at 52nd street and an extremely hot guy with a shaven head driving a pickup truck was stopped in traffic right in front of me. i completely checked him out, and held eye contact with him in the way i tend only to do when i am drunk and aggressive with someone in the crosshairs. he initially looked surprised, and then broke into a smile and said “good morning.” i giggled and he took off. totally made my day.

so the week. i feel light. things are easier. that wedding i was kvetching about last weekend, in fact, turned out to be lovely. buying a hot dress and having my hair done definitely helped. and just focusing on my friends and the people i loved, tuning out all the cheesy traditions and materialistic bullshit. it worked.

closing non sequitur: nick swardson on comedy central. fuckin hilarious. reminds me of my brothers, my cousin terrence and some of my friends from college.

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love, Uncategorized, zen shit
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one single gal to another, on the subject of babies, career, and all that jazz

No, it doesn’t make us bad friends to feel weird when we get this kind of news. It just hightlights the dramatically different paths our lives are taking. It’s impossible not to notice. Our friends who are married with kids want different things from life than we do. They want to have some kids and work a little, but their careers aren’t very important to them. They married older dudes who already had dough or a very strong will and are pretty much living to take care of them. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s what they wanted, and they got it, and they are happy. Well, for now anyway.

I definitely want someone to take care of me, but not in an overly dependent way. Whether or not I marry & have kids, my career will always be a very important aspect of my life. I need to find someone who not only can accept it, but who understands and can give me the support I need to pursue my dreams. It’s just how I am wired — I’m Irish… I’m a workhound, and a dreamer. Besides, when you have financial independence I think you can make better choices about who to spend your time with. Money should not be a reason for choosing a mate.

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Uncategorized, zen shit
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everything's gonna be aight

Be like the bird, who halting in his flight
On limb too slight,
Feels it give way beneath him, yet sings
Knowing he has wings.

– Victor Hugo

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love, Uncategorized, zen shit
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he's just not that into you

this book‘s moment was like 2 years ago. the premise being if a
dude likes you he’ll ask you out. there is no plotting, no scheming, no
pursuing needed on the girl’s part. if a man wants you he’ll go for it. i
remember there being a mild uproar of sorts over the book. was it arrogant? old fashioned? misogynist? i tend not to pay attention to these things until the debate is over and the rebuttal book has been out for a while . i tend to think about it when it applies to my life or the lives of people i love. in any case, i thought of it recently, and i submit that i completely agree with it. how many times, in how many ways have i been that girl? it’s nuts. in my professional life i accept nothing but top shelf treatment. deny me my desires and i’m rollin.’ so why have i been settling for crumbs from guys? sadly, i thought that was all i could expect to get. but no mas.

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love, Uncategorized, zen shit
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beth's infinite wisdom

erin and i were complaining about guys who appear to be interested, but who never actually follow through to ask us out. for years we made allowances for them. we even accepted the myth that we are “intimidating.” we extended ourselves over and over despite knowing, deep down, that the kind of man we want would not sit by passively requiring us to make all the moves. we want men, not boys. and men who are crazy about us, not guys who could just as easily wait for the next chick passing through. as beth so aptly put it: “we all have hard things we have to do in life. for women it’s giving birth, for men it’s asking women out. (to men) yes, we know it’s hard. but suck it up and do your job!”

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media, Uncategorized, zen shit
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how does this happen?

erin lives in la i live in nyc. we don’t see each other for months. we meet up in chicago and have close to identical loungewear. if it’s not loungewear, it’s hairdo. or shoes or jacket or something. oh yeah, and our lives are exactly the same too except she lives amidst palm trees and freeways and i live amidst skyscrapers and subways. it’s been happening for years. it’s actually quite comforting, in a narcissistic kind of way. and, come to think of it, not all that mysterious if viewed through the lense of demographic studies.

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love, Uncategorized, zen shit
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sorry for another canned idea, but too bad.

“Love of beauty is Taste. The creation of beauty is Art.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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Uncategorized, zen shit
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"Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put…

“Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

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art, love, Uncategorized, zen shit
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the cycle

all things are cyclical. the good times, the bad. and the people. maybe not the specific people, but the kinds of people, at least. and interest levels. the ebb and flow. very much like my mtv consumption. sometimes mtv seems fun and fabulous, other times it’s a fascinating study of contemporary culture. and other times still — it’s utter, complete rubbish. now i know it’s me that changes, not mtv. cycles, seasons, to everything, turn turn turn.

i love business, and i’m good at it. yet there’s a very strong other side of me, where an artist resides. it’s the side of me that focuses on universal truths — the world beyond the next planning period. the particulars, the details, the specifics that we all seem to get mired in like a fly in shit is just … shit.

this desire to make contact with higher truths is what made me stop feeling anything very passionate with relation to politics, religion, etc. in recent years. i view those institutions and issues as a huge waste of my personal energy. call it what you wish, zen, peace, complacency, or just straight exhaustion. i don’t know what it is, but those things seem so trite, so ephemeral. which is not to say i don’t follow current events anymore. i do, but in a much more detached and accepting way. and the beat goes on, you know?

like picassso, i believe that “art is a lie that makes us realize truth.” art is the closest to truth that humans can get. the science crowd adds a lot. the science crowd takes the mystery out of a lot of things. but they will never take all the mystery out.

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Uncategorized, zen shit
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the good life

i like this summary of aristotle’s views on the good life. i took a class on aristotle in grad school and am fairly sure i am an aristotelian at heart. erin and i have been debating it for years. plato versus aristotle (who’s right), and which are each of us? here’s a bit i like:

Happiness, for Aristotle, is not something that comes to us from the outside. Rather, happiness is an inside job. Happiness is an activity, not a passivity (something that happens to you). It is an activity rooted in human choices. In other words, if someone is unhappy, it is because he has not chosen well. And if one is happy, it is only because he has chosen well. Remember, a good man is one who reasons well and chooses well. Hence, a good man is a happy man. Happiness, according to Aristotle, is going to result from making choices that promote the fullness of one’s nature. Now human nature has specific powers, namely, intellect, will, and the concupiscible and irascible appetites. And so human happiness is going to lie in the perfection of those human powers.

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