we’ve all had to deal with bullies in life. back in my school girl days i was a bit of a mean girl queen bee myself (one of my nicknames was actually mean colleen). i THINK and HOPE i was fundamentally kind and didn’t prey upon the weak. yet i can specifically remember teaming up with the other alpha chicks and mocking/picking on others.

as a middle child and the only girl with 2 brothers it was important to me to stand out, be tough, be the best (at school, sports, & extra curricular activities) while still being perceived as “a cool kid.” have i evolved since then and developed more empathy, compassion and self-awareness, effacement and esteem? it’s all relative. somedays yes, somedays no. in some contexts with some people yes. with others, at other times, not so much.

however one thing IS certain: over the past dozen years in corporate america, being young and being a woman in workplaces ruled by “the boys club,” i’ve developed a more acute craving for justice and intolerance for bullying. the behaviors i’ve seen not only accepted as “normal” but even rewarded (and consequently perpetuated) are just so lame. i am mystified by people who don’t evolve as individuals and who remain locked in the same patterns of insecurity for decades. what a waste of life’s potential.

It’s never easy to deal with office bullies. They are often in positions of power so you have to tread lightly. The first step is to recognize bullying behavior when it’s happening.

- Repetitive verbal abuse
- Micromanagement
- Any activity that repeatedly demeans you or is discourteous.

Whenever you’re dissed, you’re dealing with a bully. Sometimes it’s inadvertent, sometimes it’s not. Bullies don’t recognize their impoliteness and they don’t apologize. They often sail through their careers unwittingly wreaking emotional havoc on others. What can you do? This article has some practical tips. For me? It starts by getting my head on straight. If you walk around in life with a victim mindset, you are more likely to become a target.

Secondly, I remove myself from the fray. Rather than actively offer myself up for abuse and drama, I try my best to steer clear and engage with douchey bullies as little as possible. Of course, this can significantly limit one’s career opportunities. To advance you often have to go straight into the eye of the bullying vortex. So if my hand is forced, I summon my old mean Colleen ways and play the Alpha game right back. Ultimately I’d like to create a business environment for myself and those around me that is positive, successful, and respectful … a place where bullies do not rule the roost and are routed out rather than rewarded. ”Be the change!” as the saying goes … one girl’s humble dream.

“love on top” by bey bey. love this song. like an old school R&B jam. i actually like it better without the video. just listening to it on a good stereo.

Mother: the most important job in the world! Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there and especially my Ma, who I just adore.

still relishing this moment from the last ep of thrones.
PS: peter dinklage is so effing cool. gotta check this out …

I like teaching and working with young people. I view it as part service, part education. I’ve been lucky to have amazing teachers and mentors so I want to give back. It’s also self serving … younger generations are catalysts for change and I want to understand and be a part of what’s coming.

now “young people” is a relative term of course. most of my mentors and role models are in their 50s and 60s — they think of ME as “young people.” but i am 36, have been out of college for 15 years now and gainfully employed in corporate america for over a decade. when i say “young people” i am generally referring to those who are right out of school and totally green in the professional world.

About one to four times a week I receive emails from these so-called young people looking for a job or an opportunity to meet and network. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. Here are some tips on what not to do:

1. Don’t assume you are memorable. Explain who you are and how your email recipient knows you. Your reader needs to be invested in you to evoke a response. If your reader doesn’t remember you he or she will very likely ignore your note.
2. Don’t send your resume as a Word doc. My inbox is already jammed with documents. Tossing another on the pile is adding to my chores and being presumptuous that I care enough to review it. Instead, send a link to your LinkedIn Profile or personal web portfolio along with a short intro (see #3).
3. Don’t write long boring cover letters. Set it up with a few short, well-crafted sentences. Be funny, interesting and personable. I hate when people write long expository introductory essays. It makes them seem dull and obsequious. Have some wit and personality. Understand that you are one of legions of earnest, well credentialed people who are reaching out. Be different, have an edge.
4. Don’t say that “it has always been my dream to work at (your company)” or anything heavy like that. It’s the professional equivalent of stalking. Look, you don’t know me and you don’t know my company. Ask for my personal experience … play to my vanity. It’s a major turn off when people yammer on and on about the greatness of some big impersonal corporate brand — even if it’s sincere it comes off as disingenuous.
5. Don’t email at odd hours. Choose a good time to email: between 9 and 11 am during the work week. Many professionals use the first few hours of their day going through emails. If you send it at an odd hour or on the weekend, you may just get lost in the shuffle.

My heart is so heavy – farewell MCA. He was one of my favorite artists from one of my favorite bands. With his passing, the Beastie Boys as we knew them are no more. They were making kickass music and videos right up to the end. While I had drifted away in recent years as an active fan, they are so ingrained in my social and musical DNA, that it didn’t matter. I was and always will be a Beastie girl for life. The wit of their words, the science of their sounds, their depth and comedy – they were truly unique and quite radical. Yauch was only 47. He had a 13 year old daughter and a wife.  Motherf-ing cancer! It hits close to home … recognition of our own mortality. Sending out lots of love to the Beastie family and gratitude for the immortal gift of their music.

“I wanna say a little something that’s long overdue, the disrespect to women has got to be through. To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends, I wanna offer my love and respect to the end.” ~ MCA

i love the HBO series GIRLS. yet i understand why some people don’t like it … there are many reasons why the show is getting lots of flack. here are just a few of them:

1. EXCESSIVE HYPE — the show got such critical accolades that nothing but disappointment could follow when a wider audience sampled it. i watched the first 2 eps about a month before the premiere and loved them. i hadn’t read any of the press yet and wasn’t swayed. then i read the New York magazine cover story and was revulsed. I wanted to punch the article’s writer in the face. though I did not love lena dunham or the show any less, i can see why people were bracing themselves to dislike GIRLS. if overbearing pseudo-intellectual hipsters love it, how could i?

2. JEALOUSY – the show’s auspices are enviable — its executive producer is one of the biggest names in hollywood. its creator, writer and supporting talent breathe rarefied air. don’t we all wish we had wealthy, famous, well connected parents and mentors to nurture us in the arts from the day one? that we had an economic, intellectual and social framework that encouraged us  to pursue our heart’s desire? those of us without family money and connections generally enter adulthood with college loans and credit card debt. we take buzzkill jobs that pay enough to subsist …  and within a few years our younger forms of debt transform into mortgages, families and dependents. consequently we become even more risk averse and stuck where we are. we resent those who escaped our fate and are thriving. like the girls of GIRLS. this is a silly argument though because it doesn’t mean the show isn’t good or the girls themselves aren’t standalone awesome. best example: Julian casablancas. Did he hit the genetic jackpot? perhaps. But The Strokes are straight up amazing – it doesn’t matter who Julian’s parents are.

3. INTOLERANCE FOR STRONG YOUNG WOMEN VOICES - Remember how some men just hated Sex And the City? It’s the same idea here, but GIRLS is even MORE threatening because it’s about women who are

• young (how dare these chicks have expectations and demands … what do they know about life, the world? they must pay dues first!)
• not all stereotypically beautiful (lena dunham is SO unattractive! i can’t believe she lets all her fat show.)
• sexually unfulfilled (SATC was all about women who constantly got laid and constantly had amazing sex. GIRLS shows the awkwardness and loneliness that can come with sex when you are young and don’t know what the hell you are doing. it is a painful truth to face)

i know a lot of people are put off by the narcissism and entitlement of the millenials, and i can be too at times. just the other day i was walking home around 9 pm after a long day at the office and a girl on the sidewalk held up an sign that said, “PLEASE HELP. TOO CUTE TO PROSTITUTE.” She had a Urban Outfitters-esque outfit on, nose ring, bleached hair and said, “Miss can you help? You don’t want to see me sell myself do you?”

The fellow with her snickered. I glared back at them.

“Oh, maybe you DO!” she replied.

To which I shouted: “Maybe you should get a real job!”

To which she screamed in a deliberately childish tone, “NO! NO, you can’t make me!” The two of them laughed and kept walking.

In that moment I felt like such a heavy. Like my grandfather the WWII Lt. Colonel yelling at some hippies when he got back from Okinawa. OK scratch that- mixing war eras but you know what I mean.  There’s a part of me that relates to “F THAT SHIZ” mentality of the OWS crowd, though. Why pay dues into a corrupt system that does not offer job security, pensions or even decent medial coverage? What’s the point? For a subsistence wage? Opting out might be less stressful and more emotionally rewarding, you know? I dunno. Just saying I understand the malaise. And those goddamned millenials will probably somehow — by a miracle we’re not yet privy to like the Internet in the late 90s — end up rich like the hippies turned Boomers did. I can just feel it.

In any case, the show is not for everyone. It’s too realistic, too truthful for some to bear. It reflects the narcissism of our contemporary culture in a way that cuts to the bone. That of course is why I love it. It’s interesting because it’s true. It’s funny because it’s true. Can’t wait to see where it takes us…

“Don’t Stop Believin’: Everyman’s Journey“ A Film By Ramona S. Diaz

saw this film at the tribeca film festival this past weekend. loved it. so inspirational. the story is surreal: arnell pineda was a young kid plucked from obscurity and poverty in the philippines to become the frontman of Journey, the beloved great american rock band.

he’s so likeable. humble, hard working and an insane talent. and it’s so cool to see how the guys find him, nurture him and make him their star. as the drummer from journey described him: “he’s like david lee roth and bruce lee rolled into one.” the film is about 30 mins too long – i can say the same for so many films. get it down to 90 mins and it would be super.

* it’s not quite dance party material. well maybe a slow jam air guitar. this one goes out to my baby bro kev who is moving back to the east coast with his girlfriend tara – arriving this week! he’s been in San Francisco for the past 9 years and had great adventures. but at long last bro kev rejoins the kenny clan. we can watch the giants together on sundays. my niece and nephew nina and liam can really get to know uncle kevin. and i get to hang with my beloved brah and tara on a regular basis. can’t wait. WELCOME BACK!