man, i want to beat myself for gloating yesterday. i got what i asked for: i am in the fire now. i went from a charmed existence where i had it made to a wild new world where i have absolutely no clue what i am doing. some day i will look back on this day and remember how odd and unfamiliar it all was and think: i’ve been to the mountaintop. but right now i feel dumb. i really don’t like to feel dumb. in fact it’s pretty much been my life’s mission to avoid becoming dumb at all costs. but change is a prerequisite for growth, and growth is a sure fire way not to become dumb over the long haul. but in the short term, still, i = ignorant.